I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
