at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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