i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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