I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
