and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
