it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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