You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
