my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
