I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
