dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
