you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
