it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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