it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
