I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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