does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
