Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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