I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Do vagina's smell?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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