You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just pee around me
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
