Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize