yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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