Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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