i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize