We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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