I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize