My sheets look like a crime scene.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Swine flu is the new snow day.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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