I just pynch a tree in the face
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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