so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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