I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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