I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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