let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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