I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
