y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
