My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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