I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
