I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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