Me. At least after what I've been through.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
