there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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