I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
