If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
