Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
