He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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