Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I would fuck him just for his dog
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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