I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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