he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
