k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I need a hoe opinion
go on
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
