Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
