I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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