he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
