I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize