Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
