I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
