So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You can't just leave with hair like that
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
