Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
