bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
