OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
