hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
