goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
