they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
