I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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