1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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