Just fell off a train. Bad.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
