you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
