Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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