I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
