hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
