How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
