i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
