you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Damn victory sex feels great
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
