The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
