Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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