I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize